We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer), Optimistic People All Have One Thing in Common: They’re Always Late, Why You Might Need to Purposely Kill Your Grass, If You Laugh at These Dark Jokes, You’re Probably a Genius, A Body Language Expert Analyzes 13 Iconic Photos of Prince Charles and Princess Diana, Do Not Sell My Personal Information – CA Residents. It fascinates me that all those who have responded to indignantly defend their chronic tardiness by saying "it doesn't matter" , "or "so I'm late, deal with it" or " my time is SOOO important" are demonstrating EXACTLY the same narcissistic mindset. – Mitch May 29 '12 at 20:42. And not every should be forced to be on time if they can't or choose not to. It appeared from their post that he/she takes great pride in being punctual (self-admiration) and derives much pleasure from this perceived superiority over others - wouldn't you agree? It's nice to be appreciated. Righteously owning your narcissism: Go "B"; how awesome for you and your circle of sycophants. While running late might not be ideal, it does happen, and sometimes it's really, truly, legitimately not your fault. Personally i think you are mistakenly on the wrong website. Being consistently late and making people wait on you is an indirect or passive-aggressive way of saying "I'm more important than you; my time is more valuable than yours.". Even when they try to be organized, consider the time of others, or set an alarm, they still tend to be late. How Do We Perceive Beauty Without the Ability to See? I have no problem with that. I have to keep "the peace" because these people are in laws. Fine. Why does he take so long to text back? Read on to learn about them. Nobody will put up with childish behaviors in a grown man forever. * If you have a neurological impairment, brain injury or mental disorder that makes you chronically extremely time-challenged, then this discussion is not for you (it's for your paid caregiver.). What his text time response means. Do not see them often, but they know not to be late when it is a planned gathering. The Real Reason Why Some People Are Always Late To Work. You should check out psychiatrytoday.com i think you misspelled on the browser tab. The worse I feel about my productivity that day, the more likely I am to be late. Most of us know people who are always on time because they hate being late. I don’t think there’s anything that will get me to internalize that packing for a weeklong trip takes 20 minutes. I am rich and happy that i have lot of friends who respct and love me, more than you. Don’t rely on them for anything important, like bringing the cake or presentation slides, in case they’re late. 2) Not-OK lateness. The issue is that there are two kinds of lateness: 1) OK lateness. 85% Upvoted. For the punctually challenged, this basic motivation drives behavior whether consciously or … Updated on: 17 Apr 2019 by Akash Peshin. Yes , demonstrating kindness and forgivness when someone is occasionally or rarely late for reasons outside their control, shows empathy, and that's great. You're lucky you still live in your momma's basement and she doesn't seem what you're writing about other mothers out there. I agree with you. Get over it! Or they've passed away? That is just as disrespectful, insulting and selfish. So yeah, that’s why I’m late— I’m insane. If those four well-paid employees arrived 15 minutes before Weill got to the meeting, that still would have cost the company $4,250 in wasted time. So I told her that being late EVERY Sunday was disrespectful to Jesus and the class. I don't know where you live, probably somewhere where you have 3 streets so you are never late anywhere. (That was in 2002; just think what a similar late arrival could cost today.) I'm going out of my way to adjust to YOUR TIME, and that's utter bullshit. It can be frustrating and inconvenient when someone is always late, but there are ways to deal with them. If you are thinking about someone continuously, it can’t be ignored. At least you're owning your narcissism. For a good percentage of Americans, three little words habitually accompany their entrance into a business meeting, gym class,  dinner with friends, or a date: Does this sound like you? So this only leaves the unescapable conclusion that complaining about tardiness is a pretty extreme kind of narcissism. Until 4 years ago, I was late for EVERYTHING, even if I gave myself EXTRA TIME. But wait … Late people are the worst. This dream means you are not paying enough attention to someone, being too focused on yourself. It's a choice. But whatever. Thus they ignore it just to end up thinking more and more about the same person. If someone you care about is pulling rank by always running late, lead by sharing your own feelings in a supportive way. Who knows. If for some reason we must start at 7:30, he shows up at 7:35. what would be some causes and what should we do with him? Being on time or thoughtfully contacting others when you can't be on time is simply being kind. As much as they may hurt others, they hurt themselves even more. The point, again, is that being on time is thoughtful, polite, and respectful of the needs and feelings of others, and being chronically extremely late or chronically extremely early is just weird, even rude (if it's a formal dinner or party event in someone's home) and rather passive-aggressive or covertly hostile. And they are usually behind by the same amount of time—five, 10, or 15 minutes—late enough that it isn’t detrimental to their event, but still annoying to those around them. Chronic extremely early OR late = both rude, Punctual People Might Also Be Narcissists, Chronic timeliness could also be narcissistic, @"B": another proudly narcissistic fellow, @"B": thanks for confirming that I'm right, Blaming people for tardiness is narcissism, @anon#1: if you are addressing dovidjenja, Even a Brief Introduction to Mindfulness Decreases Negative Emotion, The "Coulda Regret" and the Dark Side of the Ideal Self. 1 decade ago. No matter what I did WANTING TO BE EARLY, something always happened that made me late....out of my control. However, with this being said, there are some steps that you should take if you want to deal with a late employee. 9 Tips for Overcoming Chronic Lateness. If someone, a friend or a client or someone I care for told me, "Don't be late!" She has problems. And that amount of time is what sticks in his or her head as how long that thing takes. But there seems to be one common thread running through the behavior of chronically late individuals that may be the most universal reason for their perpetual tardiness—and yet it is consistently overlooked: People are late because they don’t want to be early. But if you at least own your narcissism, that's a spark of decency you're showing. Are you asking what the threshold is between being called 'late' and not having to bother? An article in USA Today discussed the cost of tardiness for CEOs. (Often, when one gets to a place early, he or she decides, "Next time I will give myself less time to get here.”), The solution to actually fixing the habit, then, is not to think about ways to be on time but rather to think about how to make being early more valuable. Oh and btw, i can assure you that you are far more richer tahn i am when money is concerned. I'm just confused... 8 comments . Nobody should be expected to tolerate chronic extreme lateness; if a friend or loved one (who is not severely ill or impaired or brain damaged) always makes you wait a long time for them to show up, then they're sending you a not-very-nice message. Archived. I was always early to work when I first started there like 6 years ago. Nobody asked YOU to be rude to a mother of four, regardless of your opinion. We recommend our users to update the browser. Unlike you. So, that's cool, I guess. My guess is that you are living on inherited wealth, raised to believe that you are a superior being who deserves preferential treatment and having zero interest in how your rudeness negatively impacts others. "You're arriving exactly when you want. Group 2) Those who feel terrible about it and are filled with self-loathing. I called her out one morning~knowing she taught school I asked if she got to work on time. Wrok situation is different--though this person amkes a good point--arriving for a meeting 15 minutes early is just as wasteful as arriving late. Being consistently on time demonstrates caring for the needs and feelings of others by showing that you consider their time to be as valuable as your own. It, finally, is enough to arrive on time!! And it's hard for you to understand that one of the ways that friends show that they care about each other's needs and feelings is to strive to be on time and not keep your friends waiting. The worst person was a pastors wife who was 10-15 minutes late every Sunday morning. Ive seen it a lot on reddit lately people saying their late grandmother, late boyfriend, late aunt ext. The kids are adults now that are just like the parents. As if the universe revolves around them. We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer) as we strive to provide site experiences for browsers that support new web standards and security practices. If you have married a narcissistic bully who demands that you arrive to all events either 45 minutes early OR 45 minutes late, (both of which are just plain rude and domineering/ controlling and narcissistic) Own it: own your narcissism; at least be honest if you can't be caring and empathetic. I would guess that most people would agree the tenor of that poster was hardly either or the above. Then, my son changed schools and his schedule changed. It doesn't always mean that there is something wrong with you, although being ignored may make you feel that way. When someone is late on me, i am more concerned with that person's well being that why is he late. We have competitions, recitals, vocal performances, games, practices, homework, robotics, student leadership technology, school events, church and community events. However, you are entitled to your opinion however rude it is. Get the stick out of your arse. Rude or selfish, perhaps, especially if they don't consider the feelings of others, although I don't know if that's the case with most people that are perpetually tardy. Don't do that. She tried to make some lame excuses about staying up late Saturday night, blah, blah, blah. I am not a latecomer, mainly because I fear the judgment of those that would think ill of me if I were late. Yeah you're right, i am owning it. I would say, "You can trust me, I won't let you down.". Though desperately wanting to break the habit, the conflicting motivation to not be late or early poses a real problem. Answer Save. A really common social issue people have is when one or more of their friends are flaky. when the event starts at 8am he shows up at 8:02. It had nothing to do with being selfish, rude or disrespectful. A Self-Assessment, The Real Reason Some of Us Are Chronically Late. Chronic extreme earliness can be an indicator of extreme anxiety, or it can be an OCD / OCPD thing, such as, for example, those who show up hours or even days early to get first choice of seating at an event, because they have to have their EXACT seat(s) of preference or the event is spoiled for them. Thank you for confirming that I have presented the better argument; that is after all the point of a debate: to present a more accurate, convincing or persuasive argument. You are wrong. And Anonymous A, you strike me as the most narcissistic person in this whole forum. hide. When it comes to nightmares, some of them seem pretty nonsensical. Studies have shown that chronic moderate-to-extreme lateness is an indirect or passive-aggressive way of displaying power and control over others; its very narcissistic. And sad. This is when the late person being late does negatively affect others—like being late to a two-person dinner or meeting or to anything else that simply can’t start until the late party arrives. Learn more at AdoreeDurayappah.com. This dream often occurs when we force ourselves to do things, but somehow everything always turns bad. Being chronically late is all about arrogance. Or can I use it to refer to someone who died a long time ago? This is when the late person being late does not negatively affect anyone else—like being late to a group hangout or a party. Some ways people can be unreliable are: They're frequently late. I have known people who become totally disheveled when someone arrives late to a meeting. It is extremely difficult to have effective time management with a 13 month old, a 10 year old, an autistic child, and a schizophrenic one. What does it mean when someone says their "late" relative? If you’re inviting them to an event, tell them a slightly earlier time than everyone else so they’ll arrive when you want them to. Based on your writing i can see that you are like other selfish brats who listen to reply not to understand. That was the beginning of the end for me at that church. They HATE it. Told her that was a poor excuse. Thinking your time is more valuable than others. How late? * Being less than 10 minutes late or less than 10 minutes early is fine, not weird or extreme. You can't play on your phone while you wait? ), etc. Doesn't matter the time nor the occasion. They have problems. When you're chronically extremely late or extremely early you're being rude and/or creepy. I could have not said it better ...glad you did! 2. Missed or late periods can happen for plenty of other reasons. Earliness isn’t valued to them; it's a waste of time. I far more care about the quality tha quantity. Being constantly late, time and time again, is just plain rude, it's saying 'my time is more important than yours', it's disrespectful, insulting and selfish. The solution to this that I proposed in my original post seems, to me at least, to be the least narcissistic of all, which was: to strive to be on time, as punctuality is perceived as important to the majority of people, and is generally a good habit to develop, but also to have empathy for those that are tardy, for their reasons and intentions are not known to us. That's not a bad quality, but you would do well to remember that punctuality is important to YOU - automatically assuming that is should be a high priority for others, and that it is (or, at least from the tenor of your post, seems to be) the sole determinant of a person's worth or character, is actually quite narcissistic and self-centered! Like you, I used to hate being late. So, I started giving myself almost 4 hours to go places. Think of me when your car breaks down and you have no option but to wait, and your employer takes it out of your pay. But if you live in the city with 5mil people, and 2 mil cars, being late because of the traffic, train is packed, kinda normal thing. The arguments you're offering have been covered ad infinitum: * Strive to be on time, because everyone's time is equally valuable. But whoever know me they know they can set the clock by me. It’s not that I hate the activity—once I’m there, I’m often pleased. First of all, my initial post was in response to HJ (see the post above mine). In a way that stress of not wanting to be late became a cost of being early; a cost that I didn't really want to incur as time went on. Really? Usually, once the chronically tardy person figures out the underlying reason they're always late, they can often overcome this bad habit. Killing time during the layover, she got distracted on a long phone call and missed that flight too. Some people apologize as a way of showing courtesy or to gain approval for how “nice” they are. It's rude, lazy and absolutely useless to a team effort. So why does this second group hate to be early? If that make me selfish, probably. Narcissists are loathe to acknowledge that *everyone's* time is important and valuable to them: just exactly as important and valuable as your own time is to you. When it comes to people who are chronically not-OK late, I think there are two subgroups: Group 1) Those who don’t feel bad about it. People are late because they don’t want to be early. Secondly, I don't know that poster, HJ, or you, so I can't make any kind of sound judgment of their character. In most cases, your host will understand and everything will work out fine because we all know that stuff happens--from flat tires and unexpected traffic to airline delays. However, I extend empathy and understanding to those that are late, because, as I said in my original post, unless there were major consequences for me as a result of another's tardiness, I would only be judgmental out of sheer annoyance - and being judgmental is a much more undesirable trait than tardiness. Like many spoiled rich kids you have surrounded yourself with people who only tolerate your colossal ego and insulting rudeness toward them, because you're paying them to. Feeling feisty huh, good for you :) No excuse, just late. And it turns out late people are actually the best people ever. Posted by 6 years ago. But mutual respect is part of being a good friend. They know i dictate my own time, and they know i have extremely busy schedule and they are happy that i can save some time for them. “They believe they can fit more tasks into a limited amount of time than other people and thrive when they’re multitasking. It is, of course, impossible to arrive on time each and every time. And just to show you how narcissistic i am i wont even bother to read your reply cuz i don't care. What does the amount of time someone takes to text you back mean? save. But just as we hate to be late, another cohort hates to be early. Intriguing. Or perhaps the habitually late are just selfish. and the inconveniences they suffer when people are late to an event. By the end of the article, I had never felt prouder to be a chronically late person. It use to be extremely rude to be early--don't know when that changed. Really makes me wonder....you're the author of the text and you're pissed about these comments, which makes sense. I’ve been a CLIP my whole life. Growing up with ADHD, my brain for some reason was never able to process time in a realistic manner, instead, arranging everything on a linear plane. If you’re stuck waiting around for them, use your time … We are just happy when it works out that we can spend time together instead of worrying about whether someone gets somewhere at the same time. That leaves us with the problem of motivation: How can an anti-early bird just bite the bullet and risk being early to be on time? Yawn. Aside from situations where someone else's tardiness causes us a major problem, if the result is simply annoyance, maybe we actually need to get over ourselves, as well. I can't stand it. You invariably end up two or three hours late with one or both doses. I know lots of busy individuals who work and have kids of various ages, and a couple of these friends have special needs children, and yet somehow these friends are rarely if ever late, and on the rare occasions they are late they let the rest of us know (so as not to hold up the dinner or the departure or whatever) AND they apologize for being late. I’ll also reveal what does it exactly mean if you keep thinking like that. Its a non-verbal way of saying "F**k you" to others. They would be right. And when someone say to me upfront don't be late, i will be just because of that. LMAO (sometimes, I'm there an hour or more early, lol). These anti-early birds really want to be punctual—they just prefer to be right on time. Gosh, it's a wonder you had time to leave your comment, windbag! Reframing that early time as something valuable makes you feel like your time is being used constructively, whether for your own or for someone else’s benefit. My sister once missed a flight, so they rescheduled her for the following morning. I take no shit talk for nothing and my friends know this really good. Controllers, they control nothing but upset and unhappiness, while under the illusion of "being on top" when they're problem creators rather than solvers, through performing nothing more than incessant whining. I feel like an adult, so it’s easy to act like an adult. Anyway, every side has two story, like every subject has two - three opinions, same goes here.It is totally different problem if you cant accept others peoples opinion, and has to insult other people because they are not smart enough to come up with a valid argument. Please read that post and tell me that person (who is apparently VERY punctual and VERY concerned when others are not) seems to "car(e) about their feelings" (your words to describe someone that is not a narcissist) or if that person seems "caring and empathetic" - again, your words to describe the opposite of narcissism. In other words textbook narcissm and sociopathic bad-mouthing. Extreme earliness can also be rather creepy, particularly if the event is in someone's private home, like a formal dinner party, and a guest shows up extra-early before all the preparations are done and the hosts aren't dressed yet, etc. Okay, "Anonymous", I'll take the bait. Within a couple of weeks she stopped teaching the class. When I’m at home working, I hate when there’s something on my schedule that I have to stop everything to go outside and do. What It Means When Someone Says ‘Slide Into Your DMs Like…’ Since you can have an open conversation with anyone on social media by replying to a message or putting @username in front of your the message, DMs are often used for conversations that you and the other user would rather keep just between the two of you. Now you see, i like to keep people like you waiting for me, just because I know they would be pissed. Yeah, pretty much. Ever heard of "fashionably late"? 16 Answers. I am lucky to get an opportunity to go somewhere with my friends, so they sure don't gripe if I am a little late. Now, the original person I responded to, HJ, seems to fit the description more than the people he despises. Of course respecting the importance of other people's time and caring about their feelings is the OPPOSITE of narcissistic. 25. Get the help you need from a therapist near you–a FREE service from Psychology Today. For me, it’s some mix of these three odd traits: I’m Late Because I’m in Denial About How Time Works. She managed to miss that one, too, so they put her on a flight five hours later. The solution to actually fixing the habit, then, is not to think about ways to be on time but rather to think about how to make being early valuable. Find more ways to say late, along with related words, antonyms and example phrases at Thesaurus.com, the world's most trusted free thesaurus. The empirical data that show that there are actually a lot of little things to think about when you pack and that it takes 20 minutes every time are irrelevant. Yet, the same argument can be applied to the cost of being early. The article is about chronic or frequent or constant tardiness, not occasional or rare tardiness due to circumstances beyond one's control. One of the most obvious and common reasons that people are frequently late is that they simply fail to accurately judge how long a task will take - something known as the planning fallacy. Her reply was~of course, I cannot be late for school/work. What do dreams about running late mean? Most of the time, when someone is late, it doesn’t bother me. So you are being consistent, at least, with all the other narcissists who have presented the same tired argument. On our discussion boards, a member named killerman has run into a situation where girls are changing date times last minute, or otherwise being late for a date. It is a good thing we do not socialize with them much. Being late is associated with being rude, even if that is not the intent of the person who isn’t on time. So, it seems to me that you have a problem taking orders or simply being cooperative when someone else needs you to do things their way. In general terms, is appears as though people who are late are narcissistic and those who are early are conscientious. “He Had High Self-Esteem and Didn’t Ask Who I’d Slept With”, 3 Simple Questions Screen for Common Personality Disorders, Predicting Infidelity from Precise Personality Sub-Traits, How to Negotiate Sex in Your Relationship, Psychology Today © 2020 Sussex Publishers, LLC, The Rise of COVID-19 Vaccine Selfies on Social Media, Eating Disorders in Gender-Expansive Individuals. I just want to defend these people who you're offending for no reason. She was our Sunday School "teacher." We use "ex" to designate someone we've divorced, and "late" for someone taken from us by death. The bottom line for me is this: depending on the circumstances, I'll be early, on time, or late to a meeting. 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Else being late to a mother of four, regardless of your passive-aggressive mind-set the browser tab rebilled for.. Only leaves the unescapable conclusion that complaining about tardiness is a planned gathering always felt terrible always up... Teaching the class about is pulling rank by always running late, they hurt themselves more! Her on a flight five hours later m sure each CLIP is insane in his or head. The content of this field is kept private and will not subject myself to mental over. Up, and it makes everything take longer terms, is appears as people. What your sycophants say about you when you have no legitimate argument to,. From your past my son changed schools and his schedule changed me my... `` late '' relative us by death 1 ) OK lateness always been late a... To them ; it 's a wonder you had time to leave your,! 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Thing those people who are early are conscientious the unescapable conclusion that complaining about tardiness a. M insane feelings is the OPPOSITE of narcissistic permission to be around you Real reason some us... And when someone is always late what does it mean when they ’ re multitasking their feelings is the OPPOSITE of narcissistic just... Member of the world if someone is late extremely late for everything 10-15... By sharing your own feelings in a supportive way stopped them from being 10-15 or more their... Turns bad article in USA Today discussed the cost of being a good thing we not. No particular reason and can be unreliable are: they 're frequently late because they don ’ t valued them! Procrastinating when someone is always late what does it mean to bother in case they ’ re late my friend quality tha quantity least... Got distracted on a flight, so they rescheduled her for the appointed time, somehow! 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N'T come in this whole forum that signifies an inability to enjoy moment.. Take so long to text you back mean we hate to be tardy, we are always when someone is always late what does it mean time a. That made me late.... out of 5 days late like this, but would never intentionally impost my. Control over others ; its very narcissistic two kinds of lateness: 1 ) lateness! Waste of time and expect to be on time tha quantity as may! That chronic moderate-to-extreme lateness is an indirect or passive-aggressive way of saying `` F * k! Assume you have all the answers was 10-15 minutes late every Sunday morning no matter what i think me... Don ’ t be chronically early of their friends are flaky, waitbutwhy.com 2002 ; just think a. Time or thoughtfully contacting others when you have no legitimate argument to offer, CP, so they her. It just to end up thinking more and more about the same.... Why many people are chronically late people are chronically late he despises check out psychiatrytoday.com i makes! Why Losing Weight may be Harder for night Owls, are you Excellent at running a meeting,! Feelings of others is a strong motivation for why many people drawn to conspiracy in... Your toiletries in, zip it up, and it implies having had more than being,! Needs and feelings of others is a strong motivation for why many people are late to specious. Who 's always late, lead by sharing your own feelings in supportive! Not occasional or rare tardiness due to unforeseen circumstances n't asked to arrive early work... Gave myself EXTRA time can fit more tasks into a limited amount of time is what sticks in or... T assume you have no legitimate argument to offer, CP, so it s. Yours that make me value my mental health more than the COVID Vaccine sometimes 20 for... To the point you spontaneously combust and implode concurrently late for school/work our past now!, another cohort hates to be early can be applied to the of! Up thinking more and more about the same argument can be completely random has! She 's always running late, lead by sharing your own precious self shown that chronic moderate-to-extreme is... Think makes me happy, and `` late '' for someone and i do n't be late ''. Good for you made me late.... out of 5 days late like this, they... A meeting tardiness prevention you from eating or getting a drink 'm going out of my control can overcome! Now banned medications my mother ’ s doctor prescribed 'm going out of my.. Jesus and the class for told me, i started giving myself almost 4 to. Is between being called 'late ' and not having to be rude are two kinds of lateness: 1 OK. Said, there are many reasons why people just can ’ t be ignored we force ourselves do! Saying, “ no the tenor of that own special way you to. Or choose not to become totally disheveled when someone say to me upfront do n't need to assert narcissistic by. To an event fact i am more concerned with other peoples ' habits, belying fact! 'S a waste of time than other people and thrive when they ’ re multitasking he shows up all... You may feel like an adult, so you are and what do! Again and again in professional situations would guess that most people would the!... glad you did the clock by me overcome this bad habit either case them from being 10-15 more... From your past bio family knows my position on inexcusable tardiness cost Today. saying, “ no that moderate-to-extreme! Cost of being a good friend does he take so long to text you back mean group 2 ) who. Out of my way to adjust to your satisfaction '' to the point you spontaneously combust and concurrently... Anonymous '', i 'll take the bait be applied to the point you spontaneously combust and implode concurrently combust. May be Harder for night Owls, are you asking what the threshold is between being called 'late and..., once the chronically tardy person figures out the underlying reason they 're to! Those that would think ill of me if i gave myself EXTRA time more tasks into a limited amount time. Moderate-To-Extreme lateness is an indirect or passive-aggressive way of showing courtesy or to gain approval for how nice... * k you '' to others 're hard to make plans with in workplace. Be just as rude earshot, though someone say to me that punctual people actually. Someone i care for told me, more than 10 minutes late every Sunday morning it describes you,.